Texty: Clifford T Ward. All Modern Conveniences.

Old fashioned she might be
Dated like last year's pop-song
Ageing like this year's calendar
It's a wonder she can still raise a smile.

But in spite of her pension
Governments and Ascension Day
She can.

Her local vicar serves her "pie in the sky"
While her M. P. talks about the policy for European entry
In jargon she does not understand
She's not interested
She makes do, she says she's happy
Talking of her late husband
Who looks down from the mantlepiece
She says she's happy
Says she's happy
Says she's happy
Oh she says she's happy.

INSTRUMENTAL

She likes her television
'Crossroads', 'Coronation Street'
And Robin Day's bow tie
She likes the quiz shows

Where people win a lot of money
And that makes sense to her
She likes to listen to the radio
Music, Clifford T., She says he's nice
He's flattered.

Birth, marriage, death
She needs the local newspaper
Derek writes what she likes to read
But they're knocking down her house now
To build some more
Knocking down her house now
To build some more.

She can read about it on the front page
Or buy the same plot with new bricks
For ten thousand pounds
Central heating, separate dining room
Detached garage
All modern conveniences.