Texty: Frank Zappa. Halloween. Dinah-moe Humm.

FZ: Couldn't say where she's comin' from,
But I just met a lady named Dinah-Moe Humm
Stroll on over, said
Look here, bum, I got a forty dollar bill says
You can't make me come. No way!
You just can't do it.
She made a bet with her sister, who's a little bit dumb
She could prove it any time all men was scum
I don't mind that she called me a bum
But I knew right away she was really gonna come
So I got down to it
Whipped off her bloomers and stiffened my thumb
And applied rotation on her sugar plum
I poked & stroked till my wrist got numb
Still didn't hear no Dinah-Moe Humm
Dinah-Moe Humm

FZ & Band: Dinah-Moe Humm
Dinah-Moe Humm
Where's this Dinah-Moe
Comin' from
I done spent three hours
And I ain't got a crumb
From the Dinah-Moe
Dinah-Moe, Dinah-Moe
From the Dinah-Moe Humm
FZ: Got a spot that gets me hot
FZ & Band: But you ain't been to it
FZ: Got a spot that gets me hot
FZ & Band: You ain't been to it
Got a spot that gets me hot
You ain't been to it
Got a spot that gets me hot
You ain't been to it
And I can't get into it unless I get out of it
And I gotta be out of it before I get into it
And I can't get into it unless I get out of it
And I gotta be out of it before I get into it
FZ: She looked over at me with a glazed eye
And some bovine perspiration on her upper lip area
And she said, And I quote: Just get
Audient: Me wasted
And you're half-way there
'Cause if my mind's tore up
Then my body don't care
FZ: I rubbed my chinny-chin-chin and said
My-my-my! What sort of thing
Might this lady get high upon?
The forty dollar bill didn't matter no more
When her sister got nekkid and laid on the floor
She said Dinah-Moe might win the bet
But she could use a little
Band: OW!
FZ: If I wasn't done yet
I told her:
FZ & Band: Just because the sun
Want a place in the sky
No reason to assume
I wouldn't give her a try
FZ: So I pulled on her hair
Got her legs in the air
And asked her if she had any cooties in there

Audients & Band: WHADDYA MEAN, COOTIES!
NO COOTIES ON ME!
FZ: She was buns-up kneelin'
Band: BUNS UP!
FZ: I was wheelin' and dealin'
Band: Wheelin' and dealin' and OOOOOH!
FZ: She surrendered to the feelin'
Band: She sweetly surrendered
FZ: She started in to squealin'
Audient: wooooo (straight up)!
FZ: Dinah-Moe watched from the edge of the bed
With her lips just twitchin' an' her face gone red
Some drool rollin' down from the edge of her chin
While she saw the condition her sister was in
She quivered and quaked and clutched at herself
Her sister made a joke about her mental health until
Dinah-Moe finally did give in. But I told her
All she really needed was some discipline!
So I said,
Very succinctly, I said:
Kiss my aura, Dora .
Well, come on, you can do better than that, I mean, hey!
And the reason I said that was because, you see, it's Real Angora
Now. Would you all like some more-a?
Right here on the floor-a?
And how about you, Fauna?
Do you wanna?
Awright. Now we're going back to the beginning of the song.
This time, clap your hands please
And sing along with it if you know the words. Awright?
Okay? One, two, three, four,
You can dance if you want
Couldn't say where she's comin' from,
But I just met a lady named Dinah-Moe Humm
She stroll on over, said
Look here, bum, I got a forty dollar bill says
You can't make me come. No way!
You just can't do it.
She made a bet with her sister, who's a little bit dumb
She could prove it any time all men was scum
I don't mind that she called me a bum
But I knew right away she was really gonna come
So I got down to it
I whipped off her bloomers and stiffened my thumb
And applied rotation on her sugar plum
I poked & stroked till my wrist got numb
And you know I heard some Dinah-Moe Humm
Dinah-Moe Humm
Dinah-Moe
Dinah-Moe
Dinah-Moe
The dynamic Butch from Tinsel Town Rebellion: Dinah-Moe!
FZ: Dinah-Moe
Dinah-Moe
Dinah-Moe
Dinah-Moe
Dinah-Moe
Dinah-Moe
Dinah-Moe
Dinah-Moe
Dinah-Moe
Dinah-Moe
Dinah-Moe
Awright, awright, awright, ahargh-a!
Ok, this
Thank you very much for assisting me with it.
Awright. Now look.
Th, that, that song has, uh transcended from the realm of the music
Musical into the realm of folklore, you know. It's almost
A ritualistic experience at this particular hall.
Awright.
The name of this song is Camarillo Brillo.
One, two, three, four...