Texty: Kate Micucci. Dear Deer.

Dear deer
I am writing you a letter
In the hopes that you'll know better
Not to go in the woods in Pennsylvania
'Cause my dad's in a tree waiting to kill ya
Just be warned

Some say
Dream until tomorrow
That I'll wash away your sorrow
But I'm telling you to not sleep with your eyes closed
If you do you'll end up sitting in a potroast
It's not fair

Some say Pennsylvania's sunny
But I prefer to say it's gunny
Okay maybe that's not funny
But either way it's way too punny
I know
Okay

Dear deer
New Jersey just might suit you
Because there they cannot shoot you
But the exit signs and turnpikes are just not fun
But better than a man holding a shotgun
Don't you think?

I'm just writing to remind you
That an orange man will find you
And sneak up right behind you
To seal the fate that's been assigned to you

Just know
That your population is stringy
And the Pennsylvania thinking is just backwards
It'll leave you cold and melted on a placard
It's not fair

Deer I hope that you can hear me
'Cause I think of you so dearly
So I'll write each sentence clearly
And I'll sign it with sincerely,
K-A-T-E
Kate!