Texty: Soundtrack Artists. Biggest Blame Fool.

SOUR KANGAROO
Humpf! ... Humpfed a voice.
'Twas a sour kangaroo,
And the young kangaroo in her pouch said:

YOUNG KANGAROO
"Humpf"

SOUR KANGAROO
Too!

SOUR KANGAROO
Why that speck is as small as the head of a pin.
A person on that? Why there never has been!
(She laughs derisively)
You're the biggest blame fool in the Jungle of Nool
And I don't care who I tell. The biggest blame fool in the Jungle of Nool,

YOUNG KANGAROO
And I think so as well!

SOUR KANGAROO
Maybe I'm nasty, maybe I'm cruel
But you're the biggest blame fool

YOUNG KANGAROO
In the Jungle of Nool.

HORTON
It's true. Please believe me! I tell you sincerely
My ears are quite keen and I heard him quite clearly
I know there's a person down there. And what's more,
Quite likely there's two.
Even three.
Even four!

(The WICKERSHAM BROTHERS enter - a trio of monkeys up to mischief)

WICKERSHAM #2
Ha! Laughed a voice!

WICKERSHAM #1,3
Ha! Laughed some others!

WICKERSHAMS
Ha! Ha! Ha! Laughed the Wickersham brothers!

(They dance with glee.)

Oh, he's the biggest blame fool
In the Jungle of Nool
And monkeys like us should know.

SOUR KANGAROO
No, no, no, no!

WICKERSHAMS
We've been out on a limb
Lookin' down on him-

WICKERSHAM #1
And he's fat!

WICKERSHAM #2
He's dumb!

WICKERSHAM #3
He's slow!

SOUR KANGAROO
Uh huh!

SOUR KANGAROO & WICKERSHAMS
Elephants ain't too swift as a rule
But he's the biggest blame fool in the Jungle of Nool.
'Cause he's talkin' to a speck - talkin' to a speck -
To a speck of dust

WICKERSHAM #3
Blame fool in the Jungle of Nool

WICKERSHAMS & BIRD GIRLS & SOUR KANGAROO
Talkin' to a speck
Talkin' to a speck -
To a speck of dust!

WICKERSHAM #3
Blame fool in the Jungle of Nool

SOUR KANGAROO
R-e-s-p-e-c-k!
Oh, please! Take that speck away!

ALL
Did you hear? Did you hear? Did you, did you hear?

BIRD GIRLS
Through the jungle, the news quickly flew.

ALL
Did you hear? Did you hear?
Did you, did you hear?

BIRD GIRLS
He talks to a dust speck!
It's on Channel Two!

(THE BOY instantly envisions the whole scene on TV.
THE CAT IN THE HAT now plays a TALK SHOW HOST of the "sympathetic" variety,
a la Sally Jesse Raphael, microphone in hand.)

CAT (as TALK SHOW HOST)
Our topic today is "Psychic elephants who hear voices.'
Whaddaya think, folks...
Is the elephant off his trunk?
We'll he right back with "speck", "clover", "dust", "neighbor", 'who'....

(CAT holds the microphone to the clover for a beat)

Nothing! Stay tuned - we'll be right back!

(The CAT now interviews GERTRUDE MCFUZZ, a plain bird with a one-feather tail)

ALL
Biggest blame fool
In the Jungle of Nool

GERTRUDE
I'm Gertrude McFuzz, and I live right next door.
He's never done anything crazy before.

ALL
Biggest blame fool
In the Jungle of Nool

GERTRUDE

He's always been friendly and loyal and kind.
I just don't believe Horton's out of his mind!

ALL
Did you hear? Did you hear?
Did you, did you hear?

(The glamorous and flamboyant MAYZIE LA BIRD is now interviewed)

MAYZIE
I'm Mayzie La Bird
And I live in that tree.

ALL
Did you hear? Did you hear? Did you, did you hear?

MAYZIE
Enough about Horton. Let's talk about me!

MAYZIE, BIRD GIRLS
Let's talk about, talk about,
Talk about, talk about...
Me!

ALL (EXCEPT HORTON & GERTRUDE)
Talkin' to a speck
Talkin' to a speck
To a speck of dust

WICKERSHAM #3 SOUR KANGAROO
Blame fool in the Just a fool, just a fool
Jungle of Nool Just a fool

ALL (EXCEPT HORTON & GERTRUDE)
Talkin' to a speck
Talkin' to a speck
To a speck of dust

WICKERSHAM #3 SOUR KANGAROO
Blame fool in the Fool!
Jungle of Nool

HORTON
I just have to save them, because after all
A person's a person no matter how small.

HORTON & GERTRUDE
A person's a person no matter how...

(Their intimate moment is interrupted by the others)

ALL (EXCEPT HORTON & GERTRUDE)
Biggest blame fool
In the Jungle of Nool
He's the worst we ever saw!

BIRD GIRLS
Tellin' lies, makin' jokes

WICKERSHAMS
It's an elephant hoax!

YERTLE THE TURTLE, WICKERSHAMS, BIRD GIRLS
Brother, that's against the law!

SOUR KANGAROO, BIRD GIRLS, WICKS, YERTLE, MAYZIE
Breakin' the peace, creatin' a fuss!

SOUR KANGAROO
Somebody's thinkin' different than us!

ALL (EXCEPT HORTON & GERTRUDE)
Biggest blame fool
In the Jungle of


ALL SOUR KANGAROO
Nool, Nool, Nool! (riffs)
In the Jungle of Nool, Nool, Nool!
In the Jungle of Nool, Nool, Nool!

(The CITIZENS OF THE JUNGLE begin to exit.)

CITIZENS OF THE JUNGLE
Who who wah dah
Who who WICKERSHAMS #1,2,3
Who wah dah dah dah Better look out,
Who who wah dah Better look out, Horton
Who who Better look out
Who wah dah dah dah
Who who wah dah WICKERSHAM #1
Who who Or someone's gonna get
Who wah dah dah dah Your clover!
Who who wah dah
Who who WICKERSHAMS #1,2,3
Who wah dah dah dah Better look out,
Who who wah dah Better look out, Horton,
Who who Better look out,
Better look out!

(GERTRUDE remains behind for one moment, looking at HORTON longingly.)

GERTRUDE
On the fifteenth of May, Miss Gertrude McFuzz
Discovered how truly unique Horton Was.
But she knew to approach him
Would probably fail,
'Cause who'd notice a bird
With a one feather tail?

(GERTRUDE exits dejectedly. HORTON is alone with the speck. He listens closely.)

MAYOR (Offstage, tiny and distant)
Help! Help!

CAT
Then the voice came again.
Calling over and over...

MAYOR (Offstage, tiny and distant)
Help! Help!

CAT
So he tried to think
Who might be down on that clover.

HORTON
Hello? Is anyone there?

(MR. and MRS. MAYOR are revealed.)

Who are you?