Texty: Soundtrack Artists. Ian's Here.

Ian:
Smell the incense in the air
The cabbage and mulled wine
Throw away all worldly cares
Tonight is yours and mine

Though I haven't known you long
In the present paradigm
In our past lives we've connected
You and I throughout all time.

Maybe you were Desdemona
And I your Black Marauder
Maybe you were Helen Keller
And I was the water!

Ian's here
To offer a safe haven
Where you can be yourself
Unshackled and unshaven.
You will find no judgment here
And no talk of wrong or right
Just a beacon in the harbor
A gentle guiding light.

So close your eyes
Is that land you're seein'?
Yes it is--and on that land is Ian.

(over a ringing cell phone)
Ian's here
Ian's here
Have no fear
Ian's--shit!

Laura: (re: phone)
I am so sorry. Oh, it's Rob again. I should maybe--


Ian:
Oh, Laura. You've pulled the pin, now be brave enough to toss the grenade.

Laura:
The grenade?

Ian:
Sometimes a relationship needs to be blown up so that we can see what's left over.

Laura:
Huh. Where did you learn al this?

Ian:
My methods are partly European,
Partly Easterbn,
But mostly just pure Ian!

Ian & Laura:
Ian's here.

Ian:
Mi nee som de dom ni nee ha ree dom...

Laura:
Ma ma say ma ma sah ma ma kuh sa!

Ian:
Mi nee som de dmo ni nee ha ree dom
Mee nee meet me in the kitchen wit da sari on!

Mi nee som de dom mi nee ha ree dom
Mini hairy dom, mini dom dee dom dom...