Texty: Soundtrack Artists. Patron Saints.

Eddie.
ST. CHRISTOPHER, PATRON SAINT OF TRAVELLERS
I?M GOIN? NOWHERE
BUT YOU CAN BE MY GUIDE

ST. ANTHONY, PATRON SAINT OF THINGS THAT CAN?T BE FOUND
I?M NOT LOST
I?M ONLY TRYIN? TO HIDE

ST. RAYMOND, PATRON SAINT OF THE FALSELY ACCUSED
I DIDN?T DO IT
OKAY, I DID

ST. NICHOLAS, PATRON SAINT OF CHILDREN HEAR MY PLEA
LET THEM KNOW
I?M JUST A KID

Father O?Reilly.
THE PATRON SAINTS ONLY WANT TO HELP YOU

Eddie.
The patron saints want to help me?

Father O?Reilly.
WHEN YOU?RE IN A JAM THEY?LL GET YOU OFF OF THE HOOK

Eddie.
I?m always in a jam, father.

Father O?Reilly.
FOR EVERY LITTLE MALADY
A SAINT HAS GOT THE REMEDY
THEY?RE UP IN HEAVEN
BUT THEIR NAMES ARE IN THE BACK OF THE BOOK

Eddie.
ST. THOMAS, PATRON SAINT OF CATHOLIC SCHOOLS
I?M REALLY TRYIN?
I KNOW I?M SLOW
BUT PLEASE DON?T LAUGH
Other Kids.
PLEASE DON?T LAUGH.
Eddie.
ST. DISMUS, PATRON SAINT OF PRISONERS
CAN YOU GET ME OUT
INTERCEDE
Other Kids.
PLEASE INTERCEDE
Eddie.
ON MY BEHALF
Felix.
ST. GEORGE?
Mary.
ST. WINIFRED ?
Nancy.
ST. CASSIAN
Felix.
?THE PATRON SAINT OF BOY SCOUTS?
Mary.
?OF VIRGINS?
Nancy.
?OF STENOGRAPHERS?
Mike.
ST. CUNEGUND THE PATRON SAINT OF CHILDREN IN DANGER,
LISTEN TO MY PRAYER.
Felix.
LISTEN TO MY PRAYER.
Mary.
LISTEN TO MY PRAYER.
Nancy.
LISTEN TO MY PRAYER.
Becky.
ST. ALPHONSUS?
Virginia.
ST. SEBASTIAN?
Louie.
ST. ACCA?
Becky.
?THE PATRON SAINT OF VOCATIONS?
Virginia.
?OF ATHLETES?
Louie.
?OF PHILOSOPHERS?
Eddie.
ST. JOHN BERCHMANS, THE PATRON SAINT OF ALTAR BOYS,
SHOW ME THAT YOU CARE.
Becky.
SHOW ME THAT YOU CARE.
Virginia.
SHOW ME THAT YOU CARE.
Louie.
SHOW ME THAT YOU CARE.
Nuns.
IN TIMES OF TROUBLE
THEY WILL BE THERE

FLY ON THE DOUBLE
ANYWHERE.
Mike.
ST. CATHARINE?
Mary.
ST. SUSAN?
Felix.
ST. SUSAN?
Mike.
?THE PATRON SAINT OF DOUBTERS?
Mary.
?OF CHASTITY?
Felix.
?OF DEFILEMENT?
Nancy.
ST. BONA, PATRON SAINT OF TRAVEL HOSTESSES, PLEASE HELP ME, I DECLARE.
Mike.
HELP ME, I DECLARE.
Mary.
HELP ME, I DECLARE.
Felix.
HELP ME, I DECLARE.
Becky.
ST. VALENTINE?
Mike.
ST. NORKER BALGUS?
Louie.
ST. WERENFRIED
Becky.
THE PATRON SAINT OF SWEETHEARTS?
Mike.
?OF STAMMERERS?
Louie.
OF VEGETABLES?
Virginia.
ST. MARGARET OF CORTONA, PATRON SAINT OF REPENTANT WOMEN, LISTEN TO MY PRAYER.
Becky.
LISTEN TO MY PRAYER.
Eddie.
LISTEN TO MY PRAYER.
Louie.
LISTEN TO MY PRAYER.
Father O?Reilly.
THE PATRON SAINTS WANT YOUR VENERATION
Eddie.
I venerate them, Father, I venerate them.
Father O?Reilly.
AND THEY CAN GIVE YOU A BREAK IF YOU GIVE THEM A CALL.
Eddie.
How come no one told me all this before?
Father O?Reilly.
WHEN YOU?RE STUCK IN A CATASTROPHE
A SAINT HAS GOT THE MASTER KEY
JUST CALL THEIR NUMBER
CAUSE NO ORDER IS TOO LARGE OR SMALL
Eddie.
I GET HEADACHES
Other Kids.
HEADACHES
Father O?Reilly & Nuns.
PRAY TO ST. THERESA
Other Boys.
ST. JOSEPH ASPIRIN
Eddie.
I?M GOIN? CRAZY
Other Kids.
CRAZY
Father O?Reilly & Nuns.
ST. DYMPHNA REALLY CARES
Other Boys.
ST. LOUIS CARDINALS
Eddie.
I?M IN SUCH A HOPELESS SITUATION
Father O?Reilly.
ST. JUDE KNOWS YOUR DESPERATION
Eddie.
I?M A LOST CAUSE
ST. JUDE HEAR MY PRAYER
All. (except Eddie)
HEAR MY PRAYER
Father O?Reilly.
Go in peace, son.
Eddie.
You mean I?m free? Free from sin! I?m back from the world of the spiritually dead. That?s got to be the greatest feeling in the world. Free!
Father O?Reilly.
Ryan.
Eddie.
Yes, Father.
Father O?Reilly.
My mother?s name was Frances.
All.
HEAR MY PRAYER.